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WarioWare ThreeMixed! What 'should' be the trailer for the next WarioWare game
- Written by Nicholas M. Grimes
Based on what 'should be' the trailer for the next Warioware game...
"Mario, I just can't live like this anymore! I have something to tell you... Bowser and I are... well, we're more than frenemies. We-we're lov--"
"Looking for a soupy sauce? How about a crusty crust? Pizza Dinosaur delivers! With over 6,000 locations--"
"Japanese video game company sets record sales for its portable 3D gaming device. In fact, it's so popular that it's creator, Shitoru Fils-Amoto is quoted as saying 'It prints money!!!'. Tune in to Diamond City News tonight at 11 for more."
"WHAAT!!!?!" Wario's droopy eyelids hit the roof as dollar signs slot-machine-spin in his eyes. "3D?... prints... money??" He can see it now- countless coins, bajillions of jewels, gallons of...
...garlic juice? (eww) He drops the remote and sprints outside- a few motorcycle revs later and he's got his fists pounding on the metal door of certain maniacal inventor...
BANG!! Bang! bang...
"C'mooon!!!" Wario cries out in frustration. Suddenly, the door shoots open to reveal a soggy Dr. Crygor. "You know you're not wearing pants, right?" Crygor states plainly as he points to Wario's nose print boxers.
Wario's cheeks turn Peach pink as he realizes his hasty mistake. But before he can waddle into the lab, a cat call whistle and an eruption of laughter break the awkward silence. Wario shakes a tired fist at Dribble and Spitz who honk in reply as they drive down the street. Suddenly, from the corner of his eye he sees a series of bright bursts--
FLASH! *click* FLASH-FLASH-FLASH! *click*
He turns towards the light... he's seeing shooting stars, tunnel vision, that red cap... "M... Ma....MONA!?"
"This will make the front page of the Diamond City Gazette for sure!" Mona exclaims. Meanwhile, Wario's face has gone a deeper shade of Mario as garlic tears stream down his cheeks in embarrassment. But after a quick sniffle and scowl he's back to his rotten self and chases Mona to the end of the driveway before she speeds off on her scooter.
"Perhaps you should put these on?"
Wario turns around to find Crygor, rose between his teeth, holding a pair of jeans. "They're just your size." Crygor squeals in delight and skips back inside. "What a freak..." Wario mumbles under his breath as he squishes into the jeans (which are still a little damp) and sets foot into several puddles-- err, Crygor's lab.
"What's going on here?!" Wario screams as he slams the door behind him and shakes the goop off his shoe. "That's just the gravitator on the fritz again, not to worry..." Crygor replies. "What can I do for you, anyways? Did you stop by for some sake?"
Wario proceeds to tell Crygor about his ingenious idea, a virtual reality device, a 3D console- mountains of garlic! "Whaddya say?!" Wario asks, a hint of nervousness in his voice.
"Sounds.... GREEEEAAAAT!!!" yells Crygor, mid-pirouette. "EX-CELLLENT!!!" Wario exclaims. Without hesitation, Crygor prances past Wario and gets straight to work.
Electrical gadgets, power tools, cephalopods, and decadent desserts fill the air almost immediately, and before Wario can say "I'ma Wario, I'ma gonna win!" Crygor has already devised....
Mario Wario Brothers for the Fartendo P.U.!!!"
Crygor announces proudly, holding the game in one hand and the console in the
"THAT'S... IT?" Wario grunts.... unimpressed. "What's that extra screen for?"
"That's the Lamepad!" Crygor retorts "...it sucks you in!"
"That addictive, huh? I guess it could work..." Wario takes the game from Crygor's hands, inserts the disc, and... "Wha...?"
The screen remains blank for several seconds. Wario and Crygor inch closer to the device when suddenly, a loud belch and the words 'Fartendo' appear in purple on the screen. "YEEeEeEEEAAAAH!!!" Wario shouts-- as the lights go out.
A humming sound is heard coming from the Fartendo P.U., a hum that turns into a growl and then a roar as Wario and Crygor cling for dear life.
WHOOOOOOOOOSH~~~ The Lamepad has opened a wormhole into another universe and is ripping the fabric of space-time as it vomits Diamond City into the third dimension.
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