Article originally written by Sam for Super Mario Portal (marioportal.com) on 25th of October, 2004
A Counter To: "Why Nintendo why?"
When Luke first put up the advertisement for the Article writer my head buzzed
with ideas on what I could write. My original plan was to do a series of fake
interviews with Mario, explaining why he's so successful, what he thinks about
those close to him etc., and as sad as it sounds it was actually going to be
'good'. I had great jokes ready to be poured out onto the Internet but as I
finished and reread the first paragraph, I was sick. That's how bad it was. So
instead of trying again I quit and decided to stick to what I was god at:
putting people down.
Why Nintendo, did you waste your work on a game as bad as Mario Pinball?
Nintendo published the game. The game was created by pinball game masters Adrian
Barritt and Richard Horrocks of "Fuse Games". So, now you look like an idiot.
Hoorah.
The least you could do was add more levels. You could beat the game in 2
hours if you only went for the 5 bosses in the game.
Yeah, games are like that. I could beat Zelda in a few hours if I didn't bother
getting the heart pieces or Skulltullas. I could probably kick Bowser's ass to
the floor in four or five hours if I only got seventy stars. The fact that it's
much shorter than other games is that it's PINBALL. And you're going to get
bored of a ten hour long pinball title.
And then you don't even unlock anything when you beat it. Sure, the graphics
are great and the pinball idea was good but... Its a boatload of junk almost.
And that's it. Your final say on Super Mario Ball. It's amazing how the entire
point so far is about how awful this game is, yet most of what you've said are
good points about the game. Forgive me but I'm confused. Still, at least I can
use apostrophes. Did you really need to waste your money on a Mario game that
would almost promise to not sell?
Any game with 'Mario' in the title will sell. Look at the Harry Potter titles.
Nintendo, why did you make SMRPG, which was one of the best Mario RPGs ever
made, and not make a sequel? All you could do was throw a Mario turned into
paper at us. And then you make a sequel for that? You must be crazy!
You're the crazy one, foo', Paper Mario IS a sequel to Super Mario RPG. So is
Mario & Luigi. And the Paper Mario titles are amazing. They're truly brilliant
games, and the most innovative RPGs on the market. But you've got a good point
there, making a sequel to a game that's sold loads is a terrible idea, jackass.
All you can do is make short but sweet games like Mario Pinball Land
What the heck? PAPER MARIO 2! You just mentioned it!
...and re-release Donkey Kong, a four level game, for $20.00???? You must
not be thinking about anything except MONEY, MONEY MONEY.
Answer 1: Not at all, Nintendo wants to bring out games that are simple and easy
to pick up and play for the older gamer, and also bring these title to younger
fans who never got the chance to play these games before.
Answer 2: Of course they want money. Isn't that the point?
Answer 3: Ha! It's a three level game.
Nintendo, you need to think about money AND QUALITY! If you really want to
make people happy, make sure you think first. Some suggestions for you Nintendo:
Make Mario Pinball Land: The "extension" You could make the first ever dual
disc/dual cartridge game! Seriously, make a code for when you beat the first
part and put it on the second part. It would make your games a big success.
Er, no it wouldn't. That's a stupid idea.
Get a life. Seriously. Do you think people will buy a game with four levels
for $20.00? Whoever came up with that idea for that price needs to have Donald
Trump come and say, "YOU'RE FIRED!"
Heck, people have bought Donkey Kong, a three level game, in their millions!
The point is Nintendo isn't living up to what it should be sometimes. (at
least in the Mario sense) They need to think about if people will buy a game
before they even begin to make it. If a game doesn't buy, Nintendo loses money.
Yet how come Pikmin, a recent masterpiece in gaming, didn't sell too well at
all.
If Nintendo loses money, they go bankrupt. (I don't see that happening but it
will if they keep making "blah" games like Mario Pinball) I repeat myself again:
If you really want to make people happy, make sure you think first. Wow, that
can actually go to real life too...
The moral of this counter: People won't like you if you only have four kids, you
need loads of them to truly make people happy.
- Article Writer, Sam
